It’s mid-February and I haven’t touched any pencils. Nothing at all.
I’ve been ill for two weeks then decided to get back to a more active healthy & lifestyle. More vegetables and physical activity, less sleepless nights and junk food. And I just can’t paint or draw. The idea of sketching or using my watercolour is more than I can bare. Scary isn’t it? I mean, I’m supposed to be an artist!
Of course, for days I felt like a fraud, a so-called painter unable to create anything, thinking about all the things I said I’ll do this year, all the projects I’ve openly talked about! But after precisely 32 days, I understood something: creating a new behaviour required energy.
Getting to bed without scrolling Bored Panda, getting up at 8:00 and being active for 20/30 min each day, cooking a proper meal, drinking 2L of water, having a shower etc... you can’t do that without commitment, without energy. And sometimes, in my case, you just can’t do anything else. Sometimes, you need to focus on one thing and go with the flow. It doesn’t mean that I’ll never paint again, it’s just that for a short period, I’m using my creativity to cook a colourful meal, gathering inspiration from many movies from Miyazaki and discovering many things about myself etc… that’s materials for my artistic work!
But I’m also feeling like I’ve drained any desire to paint. I need to find a job and lose weight, I need to get a new flat because living in our awful neighbourhood is killings us and, to be honest, the simple thought of opening a sketchbook is making me cry. I know it’s just a phase, but I feel the pressure to create just to share here, the same pressure that made me run away from Instagram a few months ago.
Maybe talking about that is taking care of myself, it’s also being honest and sharing something that will maybe help some of you here: do what you can with what you have. No matter if you’re an artist or anything else, do what feels the best for you, taking a break is sometimes the only thing to do to breathe again.
I hope that some of you would still be here even if I’m not talking specifically about art. I think that I’ll come back monthly for a while but I’ll come back. After all, spring is always coming back after winter.
That’s all for today,
See you soon & take care of yourself
Love,
S
Hello? Is it me you're looking for ?
Hello lovely you, well done for listening to your body, i remember (inexactly) reading a great quote about your expansion being as brave as your retraction, but i think knowing when to refuel and recharge is the only way to stay sustainable, sometimes worry about the #draweveryday type hash tags for this reason. In a world that worships business I think knowing when to pause is a skill. And thank you, for your support and encouragement of others. X
I’ll be here when you return. Take the time you need. Take care!